.:+The Cricket's Lullaby+:.
If you want cheaper prints, or T-shirts of my art, PLEASE buy them through: [link]Commission Prices and Info
My heart was broken yesterday in a way that makes me ashamed to live in my own skin.
Let me tell you a story.
I am 19 years old, and still do not drive. The public transportation in California is phenomenal. I can get wherever I want to, whenever I want, without the use of a car. Even so, usually I walk. Ever since I moved closer to the Bay Area when I was 8, I've been walking all over the place. And after so many years of walking, one generally tends to pick up on familiar faces. People who walk the same path around the same time of day.
When I was in middle school, I started noticing a man here and there. Sometimes walking in the same direction, sometimes the opposite. He had very wide wide eyes. His skin was very sun-kissed. He wore a turban on his head.
I see people and I watch the way they interact. Sometimes, when passing strangers, the braver folk smile. Some even dare a "Hello" ... but most just awkwardly pretend they have something bigger and better on their minds... pretend not to notice. I was the awkward little girl.
I've been seeing this same man, from time to time, ever since I was about 12. Always passing him awkwardly, but noticing him still. Sometimes he was a security guard. Sometimes he was in a tux. Sometimes he was casual. But always, he wore the turban on his head, and I thought him brave to express his beliefs in such a way... in a glorified country that isn't always so accepting of things out of the norm.
Yesterday, I got sick of spending hours in front of the computer or TV. My body ached to go outside. Experience the fading sunlight. So I packed up my purse and walked to the corner bus stop to catch the trolley.
I was early. I could feel the sun kissing me and my skin eagerly eating up all it's radiation. I would have a tan. I don't like to tan.
Moments later, there the same man stood. I hadn't seen him in years, due to a few moves and mostly staying at my boyfriend's house. I remembered him instantly. He practically watched me grow up. And I looked at him and smiled. For the first time, I wasn't doing the awkward thing. I dared a smile. I was, however, too frightened to hold his eyes and see his response. What if he doesn't smile back? What if he thinks me weird? I stared at my feet for a second or two, then chanced a look again.
He was smiling too, but when I looked away the smile faded. He almost looked disappointed. "She's afraid to look at me," I bet he was thinking.
Awkward again. Listening to the sound of traffic. Feeling the sun killing my skin cells.
I am a visual thinker. Not Kinesthetic (feeling based thought). It is rare that I can actually
feel the impact of a person's words.
This time I could feel it.
And it felt terrible.
There was harshness in the air and I was just barely aware of it. How the feeling put a sort of energetic pressure on me first, then quickly became sharp. It felt like the words pierced from my back, right through my heart, and out the other side, leaving nothing but a gaping whole.
"
WATCH IT, TOWEL HEAD!" a man on a bicycle screamed from behind us.
And as he passed, I looked at his face. His terrible contorted, angry face. Gritting his teeth, clenching his jaw. Practically growling. His hair was greasy. His shirt was soaked in sweat.
My mind raced as he began to shrink into the distance. Say something back. Put him in his place. What do I say? What do I scream? Bastard? Go to Hell? White Trash? Peace? Fuck. Too late. He couldn't hear you now. Probably for the best. Anger doesn't solve anger.
I shook my head in disbelief, my mouth hanging open.
I looked to my old stranger friend. He is not a stranger. He is not strange. He has a life just like you do. Just like I do. He is no more strange than the rest of the humans in this world. The man that watched me grow up.
"What a jerk..." was all I could say, hardly able to keep my voice from cracking.
I couldn't understand how someone could hate another person they had never met before. Simply for expressing their beliefs? Simply for wearing a turban? Plenty of people wear turbans. The Sikhs, The Rajasthani, The Mysori, Muslims, Africans ... Besides, isn't the basis of all religion that of PEACE!? It can't be that simple.
The man looked at me. His eyes looked old, pained, and confused. I wondered if he understood.
He said "Bus time?"
The first words I ever heard him speak. I was still in shock from the event.
"What?"
"Bus Time?" He pointed to the sign on the lamp post for the 104 free Trolley.
"Oh, it's right there." I pointed to the corner of the intersection where the trolley was turning towards us.
He smiled and through a laugh, he said "Bad English. Indian."
That's when my heart nearly broke.
For a very long time, I thought I was 1/4 Indian. My mother was adopted and we know very little about her parents. I used to immerse myself in the Indian culture. I would dance at Himalayan festivals. I would wrap my head in scarfs. I would belly dance in front of the mirror. Later, I found out we weren't Indian. But I still hold the Indian people close to my heart.
As far as I know, those people have done absolutely nothing against America to spring such terrible words.
We got on the bus.
I wondered if he even understood what that white guy said. I'm sure he understood the tone.
He sat next to me.
We said nothing to each other.
I rang the bell when we were close to my stop.
I thanked the bus driver and stole one last glance at the man. The man that watched me grow up.
He looked right back at me and he looked terrified.
I left.
I cannot stand hatred. It's such a waste of energy. I cannot stand racism or stereotypes or any type of bigotry. Isn't this supposed to be America? Land of the free, home of the brave? That man... that terrible man on the bike... I think of him and I wonder if that's how the rest of the world imagines Americans. Sweaty, smelly, angry, unintelligent people filled with hate?
Because that's not who I am.
I can understand lighthearted jokes. Sometimes even offensive humor. If it's intended to be funny, fine. But this wasn't a laughing matter. That guy... I don't know what he was trying to accomplish, but he sure made himself look idiotic.
Ugh.
I know this country has changed a lot over the past 8 years, but that's the first time I had actually witnessed it.
I need to get out of here.
(any of my male watchers who aren't American want to get married?
)
*
whirl-wind commission of Leila (payment received)
~
Maplewolf commission (payment received)
~
ArtLover25 contest prize, Meda w/o background (
[link])
*
freespiritmustang contest prize Zhy headshot
~
gomas-sketches contest prize
$5 commish slots:
1. ~
Ambius (payment not received)
2. *
Psykotika13 (payment
received)
3. *
whirl-wind (COMPLETED)
4. =
AmberSea(COMPLETED)
5. ~
Speedygallop (payment
received)
6. *
boribaby (COMPLETED)
7. *
supermelisa3149 (COMPLETED)
8. ~
JeweledFaith (payment
received)
9. =
DreamingMyth (payment
received)
10. ~
Rhoxarie (payment
received)
LOL 
i dunno wat im doing this is random 
GET A NEW ACCOUNT. It's the latest fad! OMG 
Doubtful
